(Equally long Wordpress site
here)
This is long. I’m just warning you ahead of time that this is long.
In fact, I’ve been working on it for a few days. I think it might be
getting longer on its own – I’ve created the first living, breathing
post. Bow down to your new overlord!
So, apparently Facebook is pretty popular.
Over 1 billion users. The determinant of whether you are
cool or
uncool. The ability to
affect your mood. Something known as
Facebook Stalking. Academics using it for
sneaky research. People
all over the world, and even
all over time, connecting. What I wouldn’t give to see how
Thomas Edison and
Nikola Tesla, whose
158th birthday is today (or July 10th for those reading later), would have argued over who invented what on Facebook. It would have been glorious.
Now, in response to the previously linked-to article about the social
experiment Facebook was complicit in running, in which posts were
selectively presented to affect users’ moods, there is a
new movement that is asking people to leave Facebook for 99 days and see how they feel. Called ‘
99 Days of Freedom,’
participants will be surveyed at equal intervals in their absence to
see how their moods, and lives, have been affected. After all, some are
saying
Facebook makes you sad, so it makes sense giving it up for a while would have the opposite effect, right?
Could you go for 99 days without Facebook? It’s like the phone
question I asked in the first class. If you feel you can, sign up at
their site and keep us informed of your progress. Sadly, only about
4,000 people have signed up thus far.
I
was on Facebook for a little while. Not too long, and I was a serious
latecomer, only signing up in, perhaps, 2011. Even then, I only did it
at the behest of my now ex, who – just to add to my points above –
claimed a relationship couldn’t be considered official until it was
something known as “
Facebook Official.”
I didn’t know what that meant, but everyone else I knew was on it, they
were all talking about how great it was, so I figured this was as good a
reason as any to jump in to the fray.
Almost immediately I started getting friend requests. And not just
from my regular friends, but from people I hadn’t seen in years.
Sometimes many, many, MANY years. People from other countries I knew
from my youth, my piano teacher when I was a kid, high school buddies,
it was exciting.
I
made my first post with but a little trepidation, as I wasn’t familiar
with this new social medium, but everyone who knew me knew me, and I
assume knew the types of post I would make, and it went over well.
Acceptance! That was quite nice too. I’d make posts about music, and
random things that struck me, I’d read with interest what other people
were up to, even administered a page with 500 followers that displayed
incredible
photographs of spiders.
Over the couple of years I was a member, many interesting social
experiences happened. I participated in a distant kind of way in
weddings and even a funeral. Four of my exes, spanning the years from
high school to college and all long since married sent friend requests,
as did people I barely knew, or didn’t know at all (but they knew me).
An old friend who lived in Sweden that I hadn’t seen or spoken with
since I stayed with his family for a summer in 1983 sent a friend
request, saying he had been looking everywhere for me, then never
contacted me again. I watched a married couple I know have Facebook
conversations with each other when they were clearly in the very same
room. And that’s when it started to happen.
I became disenchanted. What was once a fun, interesting place to be
where friends would share vacation and wedding photos and make posts
about things that were interesting and fun to read about began to morph
into a place that was not what it once was. Instead of a broad range of
posts, I would see the same types of posts over and over, and they
weren’t interesting, they were…irritating. This isn’t a condemnation of
my friends (for the most part), but rather an effect of the medium; It
doesn’t encourage deep, thoughtful conversation or meaningful debate,
I’m of the opinion it actually discourages it. After a while, I had had
enough, I was becoming agitated when I would log on because of the posts
I was seeing, not entertained or enraptured, and it was then I knew I
had to do it.
It was in March of this year that I deactivated my Facebook account,
although since I didn’t delete it outright if I log back in it will
apparently all come back. There were doubts; Facebook is so popular that
I wonder if I have missed out on someone who is trying to find me,
although I have a
LinkedIn
account they could find. Honestly, LinkedIn is no better, it’s the same
inanity couched in the thin veil of professional networking, as opposed
to Facebook’s social networking. I even had someone I used to know
contact me through LinkedIn, tell me how excited they were to have
finally found me, then never responded to my response, just like what
happened on Facebook. Maybe it’s me.
Anyway, I realized that part of the problem is that there were really
only about ten different kinds of posts/posters I was seeing, the
variety that used to be there was gone. Occasionally there would be a
gem among the nonsense, but it was rare. So I have decided, for
cathartic as well as informative reasons, to share with you my take on
the most common types of posts and posters I saw. These had to make up
at least 90 percent of everything that came across my feed. They may not
apply to everyone, they may simply be a result of the type of people I
know, but that made them no less aggravating.
Here we go:
The Foursquare Check-In
Foursquare,
apparently, allows you to check in at a location so friends know where
you are. But does anyone really care? I’d see them all the time:
“So-and-so is with their husband/wife/Significant
other/dog/cat/religious leader/function/whatever.” Do people actually
see that and say “Hey, so-and-so is there, let’s go there too and
interrupt them!” Why would you want people to know where you are all the
time? Isn’t one of the privileges of adulthood *not* having to do that?
One person would make these Foursquare posts ten times a day, letting
us know every movie/restaurant/retail store/dog park/wedding/whatever
else they were doing at all times. All it told me is they weren’t home
and their house was unprotected. Thanks, that’s good to know.
The “One-like-equals-one-prayer” post
This
might be not only one of the most offensive types of posts that can be
made, but one of the most offensive things I’ve ever seen. A picture
will be posted of someone suffering from a terrible disease, and the
poster will have the audacity to claim that if you ‘Like’ the post that
is the equivalent of one prayer, and if you ‘Share’ the post, that is
the equivalent of ten prayers.
Everything is wrong with this, and nothing is right. First of all,
who designated these quantities? What authority came up with these
numbers? Why is one ‘Like’ not two prayers? Or four? or one hundred?
Same for shares. Also, is this really implying that G-d himself is
sitting up there somewhere allocating prayer reserves based on Facebook
interaction? Is it implying there may be some hope for a terminal
disease if enough people just ‘Like’ or ‘Share’ hard enough?
The intention behind these posts may be genuine, but the result is nauseating.
The self-promotion flood
One
of my friends plays in a band. A good band. Another friend plays in the
same good band. I liked the band page to be supportive. The problem
was, when there was a gig, or after a gig, all the members would blast
each other with “Awesome gig dudes!” and “We were tearin’ it up at
Vamp’d tonight!” and post tons of pictures and that kind of thing. The
problem was, they’d all share each others posts and soon my wall was
flooded with 75 copies of the same pictures, the same posts and the same
people over and over. I didn’t want to block them completely, but when
these happened Facebook was almost unusable. It was like being at one of
their shows.
The deliberately vague plea for sympathy
These
were the first types of posts that really started getting under my
skin. This is the post that clearly lets EVERYONE know something is
wrong, yet provides exactly no information. Posts like “Well this sucks”
or “I guess it’s all happening again” or “Could it get any worse?”
Instead of simply confessing the problem, this type of posts begs you to
respond and shower pity on the poster. You’re supposed to say things
like “Oh no, what’s wrong?” and “Is there anything I can do to help?”
and “I’m here for you!”
These bug me because they’re asking for expressions of generic pity.
If something is wrong, say it. I don’t mean to sound like a heartless
jackass, if someone needs my support I will be right there for them. I
am very aware that a support structure is the most important thing
anyone can have in a time of crisis, but you need to tell me what’s
happening, don’t require me to deduce the situation. If you tell me
what’s wrong I can help; if you don’t, I can’t.
It’s like the person who runs up to you completely agitated saying
“Oh god, oh god, this is terrible” and when you ask them what’s wrong
they say “I can’t talk about it right now!”
The “Please Like and Share!” posts
Don’t
tell me what to do with your post. First of all, the concept of
Facebook ‘Likes’ rubs me the wrong way. Saying “Like my page” or “Like
me on Facebook” sounds SO pleading and desperate I don’t even ‘Like’ the
use of the word ‘Like.’ I dislike ‘Like.’ I’m also not sure why I keep
putting the word ‘Like’ in quotes. Or capitalizing it. I don’t ‘Like’
that.
So when a post wouldn’t just make its point but also ask me to
“Please Like and Share!” I immediately didn’t want to. The post is on
Facebook, that’s what people do. They ‘Like’ and they Share. You don’t
need to make a pathetic plea for validation. If I like it, I’ll ‘Like’
it, and if I want others to see it, I’ll share it. But if I don’t think
it warrants either of those, or even one but not the other, I’ll take
care of it.
I don’t ‘Like’ those.
The Drinker
All
this person does is make posts about alcohol. Where they’re drinking,
what they’re drinking, why they’re drinking, where they’ll be drinking
next, where they were drinking before they were drinking, where they’ll
be drinking tomorrow, who they are drinking with, where they were
drinking yesterday, where they’d rather be drinking, what they’d rather
be drinking, who they’d rather be drinking with, why aren’t you drinking
with them, drinking is awesome, they can’t wait to start drinking.
And now they’re hungover. There’s a pot and sports version of this
person as well. In fairness to them, I don’t drink, use drugs or follow
sports and never have, so maybe I’m just missing the point.
The out-of-nowhere (or phony) sorrow
It’s
always sad when someone passes away, even the posts about animals
moving on to the great beyond are heart wrenching. However, when a
person who used to play a bit-part in a 70′s sitcom passes away, while I
don’t get any joy from it, I wonder why some people seem to be
devastated. “I just heard the guy who played drunk #21 in Barney Miller
passed away. Very sad. You were one of the funny ones, you’ll be greatly
missed.”
Yes, by his family and friends. But prior to today, I never heard you
mention Barney Miller, never knew you to watch Barney Miller, never
heard you mention that actors name, now all of a sudden it’s a great
loss and you’re in mourning? Again, I’m not minimizing anyone’s death,
but where does this come from?
I hope I get the same recognition when My time comes. Don’t let me
down! I can see the posts now: “I just heard that dude with the hair who
taught me about disk drives at NSC bit the dust. Very sad day. I think
his name was Hank. Maybe Bill.”
The chronic petitioner
Some
of us convinced a mutual friend of ours to sign up for Facebook since
we were all scattered all over the country. We had entered into a
venture with him and it was a good way to communicate. Once he joined,
the only thing he ever posted were pleas for us to sign various
petitions. Random petitions, too, no apparent theme. Petition to not
tear down a drive-in, petition to remove Soylent Green from chocolate
milk, petition to require penguins to wear long pants, petitions to
change the spelling of ‘turtle’ to ‘blarty,’ and any other weird sort of
petition you can imagine. And he meant business; each post came with a
lengthy, passionate explanation of the cause and why he believed in it.
He wasn’t being facetious, he really felt that penguins should wear long
pants.
The generally inappropriate post
Random
posts can be really funny. With this classification however I’m
referring to the posts that just make you want to shower, or go outside,
or call your mom, or something to dilute what you just read. “Met a
girl last night, ended up back at my place doin’ the worm.” “Hey
everyone, look at this picture and tell me if this is a wart or a boil, I
can’t tell. Part of it came off in the bed if that helps.” “It’s time
to overthrow the Communist American government! Who’s with me? Meet up
at Bennigans to begin the assault!” “I’M DRUNK!”
These are the types of posts and people that finally caused me to deactivate, but not delete, my account.
When I tell people the things I’ve expressed in this post, I get a
lot of feedback about how I can just block people or unfriend them. I
get that, but why would I do that? I’m glad to have connected or
reconnected with them, why would I accept a friend request and then
block or unfriend them? I’ll say it again, it sounds like this is a
condemnation of the people I know, but it isn’t. They’re not dumb,
they’re not inane, they’re not vacant, if they were we wouldn’t be
casual acquaintances, let alone friends. Everyone is idiosyncratic and
has their own character, that’s what makes us great. What I needed was a
general break from the overall experience. I haven’t missed it.
I also haven’t tried the new, trendier networks like Instagram or
Snapchat or Twitter, although I have considered a Twitter account for
this class, although I’m not convinced of its value as a pedagogical
tool.
My very close circle of friends, who frankly you could count on one
hand, I am still in touch with through email, texts and calls. They were
all very understanding of my thoughts about Facebook, and even
expressed some similar feelings.
Let me say that I have nothing inherently against Facebook, and I’m
not one of the
virulent anti-Facebook preachers either. It actually is a
great way to keep in touch with, and reconnect with, people from all
over the world and even across time that you may not have seen in ages. I
just needed a break. Perhaps someday I’ll take another look and see
what’s going on.
(This was my cover image. Bask in its glory.)